With apologies to David Letterman.
The Sox are in a hole they haven't seen since my mom was 2 months old and the Splendid Splinter, among others, was away from the team fighting in World War II. Yes, you heard me right, World War II! 1945. I've ranted, raved, pleaded, waxed esoteric, but all to no avail. All that's left is humor.
Top Ten Red Sox Excuses for 0-6 Record
10. The Front Office won't give us time off to hear Charlie Sheen talk about "Winning!"
9. 4 lb pretzels and chicken waffles just don't sit very well in the stomach.
8. Paying homage to the 1945 team, of course.
7. We always wanted to be more like the Tampa Bay Rays.
6. Nothing like lulling the rest of the division into complacency
5. What's the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame doing in Fort Myers? And why is it so damn cold??
4. What's a bunt?
3. Opening Day's tomorrow, right? What? No? Those weren't exhibition games??? Now you tell us!
2. We were glued to the tube while LeBron made "The Decision" to join up with his bazillionaire buddy who happens to own this team.
1. What, we're not playing golf?
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