In honor of the 4oth anniversary of the best children's show ever, let's take a look at what might happen if our favorite Red Sox players were played by our favorite Muppets:
At first base, playing the role of Kevin Youkilis is...Bert!
At second base, playing the role of Dustin Pedroia...Ernie!
At third base, playing the role of Mike Lowell...Grover!
At shortstop, playing the role of Alex Gonzalez...Kermit the Frog!
Behind the plate, playing the role of Victor Martinez...Oscar The Grouch (not saying V-Mart is grouchy or anything, but someone had to be Oscar!)
In left field, playing the role of Jason Bay...Cookie Monster!
In center field, playing the role of Jacoby Ellsbury...Elmo!
In right field, playing the role of JD Drew...Count Von Count!
Your Designated Hitter, playing the role of David Ortiz...Big Bird!
On the mound, playing the role of Jon Lester... Snuffleupagus!
In the booth...muppetized versions of Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo!
Muppet Don: We're in the top of the third inning of a scoreless game at Fenway Park. The Muppet Sox are in the field and the Yankartoons are at bat. Bugs Bunny leads off this inning. Oscar's giving the signs to Snuffleupagus, but Snuffleupagus is shaking him off. Oscar, trash can and all, hops to the mound.
Oscar: For pete's sake, make up your mind on what you wanna throw!
Snuffleupagus: Calm down, Oscar. I'm only trying to interrupt the batter's timing.
Oscar: Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. (hops back to position behind the plate)
Muppet Remy: By the way, children, this game is brought to you by the letters H and R and the number 9. What starts with an H, Don?
Muppet Don: How about a "hit"?
Muppet Remy: Very good, Don, but we don't want the Yankartoons to get a hit now, do we?
Muppet Don: No we do not. The pitch! Bugs Bunny lines one to right center field, well hit and...Elmo dives and makes the catch!
Elmo: Elmo caught the ball! Elmo caught the ball!
Count: One out!
Muppet Remy: Elmo is very excited about making that catch, isn't he, Don?
Muppet Don: Elmo gets excited about everything, Jerry. We hear about it every time he makes a diving catch or steals a base.
Muppet Remy: He's an excitable guy, our young centerfielder!
Muppet Don: Now, Snuffleupagus gets ready to make another pitch. A cutter down and in to Mickey Mouse. Mickey rolls it over to Ernie at second and Ernie throws to Bert for the out at first.
Count: Two outs!
Muppet Remy: Our right fielder always knows how many outs we have in the inning, how many bats we have in the dugout, how many lockers we have in the clubhouse.
Muppet Don: That's our Count! Now Garfield's up for the Yankartoons with two out and nobody on. The pitch by Snuffleupagus is a ball. And another ball. And another ball! A three and oh count to Garfield. Oscar is not happy about this at all.
Oscar: Throw strikes, will ya?
Muppet Don: Here's the 3-0 pitch to Garfield. And it's off the green monster. Cookie Monster hauls it in to keep Garfield, who can't run very fast, to a single. Now, Snoopy steps into the batter's box.
Muppet Remy: That was a nice play by Cookie Monster. He just gobbled that ball up, didn't he? Ha ha ha!
Muppet Don: He sure did, Jerry. Now, Snuffleupagus throws a fastball up and in to Snoopy. A swing and a miss. Strike one! Here comes a changeup. That one falls in for strike two! Snuffy goes back to the fastball and Snoopy swings and misses again. Strike three!
Count: Three outs! Inning over!
Muppet Don: Now we move on to the bottom of the third. Big Bird is up and Wile E. Coyote's on the mound. Wile E. is trying to get ahead in the count so he throws a first-pitch fastball. Big Bird hits it very hard into straightaway center field. Back, back, gone! Home run Big Bird! Muppet Sox take a 1-0 lead!
Muppet Remy: Hey Don, "home run" starts with an H too! And the "run" part starts with an R! I love when this happens!
Muppet Don: Our sponsors are thanking us for this! Ha ha ha!
(Six innings later. Game is over and the Muppet Sox win)
Muppet Don: That was a great game, wasn't it Jerry?
Muppet Remy: Yes it was. All 9 innings of it. The Muppet Sox scored 9 runs and the Yankartoons struck out 9 times. Big Bird had three RBI, which also starts with an R! Cookie Monster knocked in two runs of his own, and Oscar, Bert, Ernie, and Grover drove in a run apiece. We got all this information from the Count, of course. Kermit turned a nice double-play in the fifth, when Yosemite Sam grounded sharply to shortstop and Snuffleupagus threw all 9 innings, giving up only 2 runs. I'll say it was a great game! Goodnight, kids!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
My Dream 2010 Lineup/Rotation
The GMs are meeting in Chicago this week and the much-talked-about winter meetings are coming up next month. So far this offseason, the Red Sox have traded for Jeremy Hermida, declined options on Alex Gonzalez and Tek, negotiated a new deal with Wake, and picked up V-Mart's option. Jason Bay is, or will soon be, a free agent.
That said, let's put aside that pesky thing called reality for a moment and take a look at my dream 2010 Red Sox team, a team that could challenge the Yankees, Angels, Rays, Rangers, or any other team that decides it wants to have a monster year.
First, the position players:
1B : Adrian Gonzalez--Make it happen, Theo, PLEASE!!!!
2B: Dustin Pedroia--No-brainer there.
SS: A guy with a decent stick and a decent glove. Any suggestions?
3B: Kevin Youkilis--Move Youk to 3rd full time.
C: Victor Martinez--Another no-brainer
LF: Jason Bay or Matt Holliday
CF: Jacoby Ellsbury--Speed's always a good thing
RF: JD Drew--Great defense and can put up some good offense too.
DH: Mike Lowell or David Ortiz--Gonna be a tough choice, that one!
Bench: Jeremy Hermida (OF), Jed Lowrie (SS, 2B, 3B) Backup catcher with good arm and good defense, Fifth outfielder/Second backup infielder
SP #1: Felix Hernandez or Roy Halladay
SP #2: Jon Lester
SP #3: Josh Beckett
SP#4: Daisuke Matsuzaka/Clay Buchholz
SP #5: Tim Wakefield/Rich Harden or some other FA pickup with recent American League experience
Bullpen: Daniel Bard, Hideki Okajima, Ramon Ramirez, Jonathan Papelbon, plus two more pickups, one of whom is a lefty.
Number one priority should be getting Adrian Gonzalez. They NEED a bat like his if they want to compete in a division that also includes the Bronx Bombers. He's also very good defensively. Fielder may have a great bat now, but with his size, I worry that he'll be in for a M0 Vaughn-esque decline in a few years. It will take a helluva lot to get him, but he's one of very few players who is worth it. Even if it means losing someone like Ellsbury or Buchholz. Seeing Ellsbury or Buchholz go would be very tough and I really hope it doesn't come to that, but getting a player like Gonzalez is an opportunity the Sox can't afford to pass up on. Not in the AL East.
Number two priority: Another starting pitcher. While the Sox probably don't have the chips to land both King Feliz or Halladay and Gonzalez, Lackey is available in free agency. Rich Harden would be a "reclamation project" worth trying because he pitched in the AL as recently as two years ago. Lester has the potential to be a #1 starter and I think he his very close to becoming one, but he needs to find his groove a little earlier in the season. Last year, it took until almost the end of May. Beckett these days is more like a #2 because he really only had that one outstanding year with the Red Sox, 2007. We saw some of that excellence this past season, but we also saw stretches where he served up gopher balls like it was going out of style.
Number three priority: Shortstop. This should be priority #2a, really. The Sox need a good everyday shortstop and they haven't been able to find what they want since Nomar left at the '04 trade deadline. Alex Gonzalez has a great glove, but the bat is generally subpar, despite the tear he went on at the end of last season. Jed Lowrie was too hampered by a left wrist injury to contribute anything at the plate last year and needs to prove that he can stay healthy. Signing FA Marco Scutaro is a possibility, but he's getting on in baseball years and depending on him to replicate his career '09 season this year might be asking a little too much. J.J. Hardy would have been worth a shot, but the Twins snapped him up.
Number four priority: Backup catcher. Sad to say, at this point I hope Tek does not exercise his $3 million player option with the Red Sox and opts instead to retire or give free agency another try. I appreciate what he has done for the team over the years, but his skills have declined to the point that he can no longer be effective the second half of the season. And that's just with the bat. Defensively, he has struggled as well, with passed balls and allowing an astonishing number of stolen bases. Part of the stolen base thing is on the pitcher, but a catcher with a stronger and more accurate throwing arm would help. V-Mart is almost as bad with allowing stolen bases (and throwing the ball into the outfield) but his bat and ability to back up first base is more than enough to make up for that deficiency. Plus, V-Mart can catch Wake's knuckler.
My dream Red Sox team has a snowball's chance in hell of happening, but adding a key offensive piece and a few other complementary pieces, plus playing with more joie de vivre on the road, would go a long way.
LET'S GO RED SOX!!!!!
That said, let's put aside that pesky thing called reality for a moment and take a look at my dream 2010 Red Sox team, a team that could challenge the Yankees, Angels, Rays, Rangers, or any other team that decides it wants to have a monster year.
First, the position players:
1B : Adrian Gonzalez--Make it happen, Theo, PLEASE!!!!
2B: Dustin Pedroia--No-brainer there.
SS: A guy with a decent stick and a decent glove. Any suggestions?
3B: Kevin Youkilis--Move Youk to 3rd full time.
C: Victor Martinez--Another no-brainer
LF: Jason Bay or Matt Holliday
CF: Jacoby Ellsbury--Speed's always a good thing
RF: JD Drew--Great defense and can put up some good offense too.
DH: Mike Lowell or David Ortiz--Gonna be a tough choice, that one!
Bench: Jeremy Hermida (OF), Jed Lowrie (SS, 2B, 3B) Backup catcher with good arm and good defense, Fifth outfielder/Second backup infielder
SP #1: Felix Hernandez or Roy Halladay
SP #2: Jon Lester
SP #3: Josh Beckett
SP#4: Daisuke Matsuzaka/Clay Buchholz
SP #5: Tim Wakefield/Rich Harden or some other FA pickup with recent American League experience
Bullpen: Daniel Bard, Hideki Okajima, Ramon Ramirez, Jonathan Papelbon, plus two more pickups, one of whom is a lefty.
Number one priority should be getting Adrian Gonzalez. They NEED a bat like his if they want to compete in a division that also includes the Bronx Bombers. He's also very good defensively. Fielder may have a great bat now, but with his size, I worry that he'll be in for a M0 Vaughn-esque decline in a few years. It will take a helluva lot to get him, but he's one of very few players who is worth it. Even if it means losing someone like Ellsbury or Buchholz. Seeing Ellsbury or Buchholz go would be very tough and I really hope it doesn't come to that, but getting a player like Gonzalez is an opportunity the Sox can't afford to pass up on. Not in the AL East.
Number two priority: Another starting pitcher. While the Sox probably don't have the chips to land both King Feliz or Halladay and Gonzalez, Lackey is available in free agency. Rich Harden would be a "reclamation project" worth trying because he pitched in the AL as recently as two years ago. Lester has the potential to be a #1 starter and I think he his very close to becoming one, but he needs to find his groove a little earlier in the season. Last year, it took until almost the end of May. Beckett these days is more like a #2 because he really only had that one outstanding year with the Red Sox, 2007. We saw some of that excellence this past season, but we also saw stretches where he served up gopher balls like it was going out of style.
Number three priority: Shortstop. This should be priority #2a, really. The Sox need a good everyday shortstop and they haven't been able to find what they want since Nomar left at the '04 trade deadline. Alex Gonzalez has a great glove, but the bat is generally subpar, despite the tear he went on at the end of last season. Jed Lowrie was too hampered by a left wrist injury to contribute anything at the plate last year and needs to prove that he can stay healthy. Signing FA Marco Scutaro is a possibility, but he's getting on in baseball years and depending on him to replicate his career '09 season this year might be asking a little too much. J.J. Hardy would have been worth a shot, but the Twins snapped him up.
Number four priority: Backup catcher. Sad to say, at this point I hope Tek does not exercise his $3 million player option with the Red Sox and opts instead to retire or give free agency another try. I appreciate what he has done for the team over the years, but his skills have declined to the point that he can no longer be effective the second half of the season. And that's just with the bat. Defensively, he has struggled as well, with passed balls and allowing an astonishing number of stolen bases. Part of the stolen base thing is on the pitcher, but a catcher with a stronger and more accurate throwing arm would help. V-Mart is almost as bad with allowing stolen bases (and throwing the ball into the outfield) but his bat and ability to back up first base is more than enough to make up for that deficiency. Plus, V-Mart can catch Wake's knuckler.
My dream Red Sox team has a snowball's chance in hell of happening, but adding a key offensive piece and a few other complementary pieces, plus playing with more joie de vivre on the road, would go a long way.
LET'S GO RED SOX!!!!!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
You Phillie Blockheads!
Oh good grief! You Phillies went and lost the World Series! That means I'll be avoiding reading or watching anything coming out of the Big Apple for the next couple of days (or weeks, could be some massive, protracted gloating going on. Months??) How could you? You were supposed to repeat, dang it! Could it be that ad in a Philly paper showing Phillies World Champs T-shirts pissed off the baseball gods--nothing riles them more than teams jumping the gun. Just ask the Red Sox after June 30th of this year. They leave the field with only two outs in the inning and then go on to blow an 8-run lead. So, anyway...
...Red Sox Nation was dealt a collective gut-punch tonight. The Enemy emerged with the big prize while our team had a blink-and-you-missed-it post-season. Was the whole ball of wax won last December when Steinbrenner, Cashman, & Co. won the free agent sweepstakes? Who knows, but they've spent in the past and had nothing to show for it. Maybe it was just their turn. Damn, it hurt to say that! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Despite what happened in the Bronx tonight, the world's still turning and there will be baseball next year. The Red Sox front office just might have some extra motivation to improve the team for next year, and it must improve in all facets of the game in order to compete with the Yanks, the Angels, and any of those up-and-coming teams like the Rangers and Rays. Leadership is needed in the clubhouse and it will have to come from someone other than Papi or Tek. Guys like Ells and Pedey are still a little too young to assume that role. V-Mart is a candidate. He was the new guy last year, having just come over at the trade deadline, but this year would be a great time to take those leadership qualities he had with the Tribe and use them to unify and motivate the Red Sox.
A power bat or two, a mid-rotation starter, a backup catcher with a decent throwing arm and maybe another sharp reliever could put them where the Yanks are now. After all, 2004...2007...is 2010 next??
LET'S GO RED SOX!!! WIN IT AGAIN IN 2010!!!!
...Red Sox Nation was dealt a collective gut-punch tonight. The Enemy emerged with the big prize while our team had a blink-and-you-missed-it post-season. Was the whole ball of wax won last December when Steinbrenner, Cashman, & Co. won the free agent sweepstakes? Who knows, but they've spent in the past and had nothing to show for it. Maybe it was just their turn. Damn, it hurt to say that! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Despite what happened in the Bronx tonight, the world's still turning and there will be baseball next year. The Red Sox front office just might have some extra motivation to improve the team for next year, and it must improve in all facets of the game in order to compete with the Yanks, the Angels, and any of those up-and-coming teams like the Rangers and Rays. Leadership is needed in the clubhouse and it will have to come from someone other than Papi or Tek. Guys like Ells and Pedey are still a little too young to assume that role. V-Mart is a candidate. He was the new guy last year, having just come over at the trade deadline, but this year would be a great time to take those leadership qualities he had with the Tribe and use them to unify and motivate the Red Sox.
A power bat or two, a mid-rotation starter, a backup catcher with a decent throwing arm and maybe another sharp reliever could put them where the Yanks are now. After all, 2004...2007...is 2010 next??
LET'S GO RED SOX!!! WIN IT AGAIN IN 2010!!!!
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