Fear and Loathing in Red Sox Nation

To say that things are tense among the Red Sox fanbase would be an understatement. The team is off to its worst start in 15 years and have yet to win a game. The various political factions of Red Sox Nation--we're not talking Democrats and Republicans here--are at each other's virtual throats on message boards and social media and the pundits who prematurely crowned this team World Series Champions before the first pitch of the season was thrown are now marveling at how spectacularly bad the 2011 Red Sox look.

Allow me to explain the Red Sox Nation political factions (or, if you're thinking of Red Sox fandom as a religion, sects): On one hand, you have the Panic Party, also known as the Chicken Little Society. The radical Panicists want to fire, trade, or demote anyone and everyone who contributed to a single Red Sox loss.

On the other end of the spectrum, you have the KTF Party, where KTF stands for "Keep The Faith". KTFs are the team's most unflinching cheerleaders and nothing ruffles their feathers more than the presence of Panicists. KTFs are optimistic about the team and are quick to tell anyone who expresses doubt to "jump off the bandwagon," or "go be a Yankees fan". Panicists firmly believe that KTFs reside in a deep state of denial. The fundamentalist KTFs may go as far as to say "It's still early" in September.

In the middle of the two extremes lies the Realistic Party. The Realists understand the ups and downs of a baseball season and have more patience than the Panicsts, but they have no problem voicing their frustrations with the team, unlike the KTFs. They know the team's strengths and weaknesses and they strive to be as optimistic as they can, but they know how unpredictable baseball can be. I'd like to think I belong to this group, but, to be honest, I have a strong foothold in the Panic Party as well. The Dark Side beckons, folks, and it's hard to resist...

As for the Red Sox themselves, please, for the love of all things baseball, WIN a game before the Pancists declare mutiny and storm the Fenway opener with torches and pitchforks.

Disclaimer: The part about torches and pitchforks was in jest and I do not condone such devilish shenanigans.