Breaking Down the Broken Offense

Prematurely called one of the best offenses in the game (does this smack of another failed declaration from just a year ago, like maybe, "run prevention"?) the 2011 Red Sox bats are instead one of the worst. Breaking it down player by player here are some of the reasons why:

1. Jacoby Ellsbury (.264/.323/.462): He's been hot lately, but he's one of those hitters who is either on fire or ice cold. For a guy who needs to get on base as often as possible, there needs to be more consistency here. He's shown some power, but with his speed you want to see him on the basepaths, making a menace of himself to the opposing pitchers.

2. Dustin Pedroia (.266/.381/.372): Another "fire and ice" hitter who happens to be in "ice" mode right now. He's striking out more than usual this season, with 17 Ks in 94 ABs (18% of his ABs have resulted in strikeouts) Over his career, only 9% of his ABs have resulted in strikeouts.

3. Adrian Gonzalez (.314/.375/.461): The average is great, as is the OBP, but the power is sorely missing. Ironically, he is doing the job Ells is supposed to be doing while Ells is doing what Gonzo's supposed to be doing. Without the power that made him so sought-after by the front office, he's essentially Sean Casey with a better glove.

4. Kevin Youkilis (.213/.388/.480): Oh, Youk! That .213 is so not you! Youkilis is leading the team in strikeouts and home runs and, so it seems like he's either striking out or going yard. Boston's answer to Mark Reynolds? Say it ain't so!

5. David Ortiz (.280/.388/.415): After homering in back-to-back games to start the season, Big Papi has become a singles hitter, much like his teammate Adrian Gonzalez. The good news is that he's hitting lefties so well (.379). The bad news: He's hitting righties at only .226.

6. Jed Lowrie: (.375/.397/.578): The gaudy numbers are still there, owing to that stretch when he was absolutely raking, but he's cooled off considerably since. Another fire and ice hitter? I sure hope not. He's looking awfully anxious at the plate lately, swinging very early in the count and making easy outs. Sitting him two days in a row (last Sunday, with the off-day on Monday) seems to have done him more harm than good. The best way to cool off a hot hitter is to have him ride pine.

7. J.D. Drew (.270/.387/.381): His average is around what it has usually been during his tenure in Boston, but those strikeouts looking have to come down. Some more power from him would also be nice.

8. Jarrod Saltalamacchia (.191/.255/.234): With numbers like that, you would hope the guy's at least good defensively. So far, that hasn't been the case for Salty. He's had some timely hits, but the rest of the stats speak for themselves.

9. Carl Crawford: (.160/.202/.234) Here's a guy who's wondering what happened to his career .294 average and .335 OBP and why he has turned into a pumpkin upon putting on the Red Sox uniform. His career numbers got him the mega-contract, and, barring some severe injury or illness, don't just disappear over the course of one off-season. As far as we know, Crawford is healthy, so his dismal offensive production so far this season is downright baffling.

10. Jason Varitek: (.111/.200/.139) Ouch! Those numbers are ugly to look at! With Salty struggling so much defensively and with some of the pitchers more comfortable throwing to Tek, the Captain has been making a lot more appearances behind (and, unfortunately, at) the plate recently. Neither catcher can throw out baserunners and neither can hit. V-Mart was no great shakes defensively, but at least he had a bat.

11. Marco Scutaro: (.189/.283/.226) This is one of the reasons why Lowrie has become the regular shortstop. Another member of the under .200 club, Scoots seems to have lost his plate discipline. often swinging at the first pitch for an easy out. He doesn't have as many at-bats, but he doesn't appear to be making the most of the ones he's getting either.

12. Mike Cameron (.185/.241/.407) That .407 slugging percentage is due to the 2 dingers he hit last night. Other than that, not much production from Cam (at-bats have been harder to come by with Papi and Drew hitting lefties better).

13. Darnell McDonald (.118/.211/.294) Again, not many at-bats, but not much production in the at-bats he does get. The defense is a considerable downgrade from Carl Crawford as well (witness last night's run-scoring error). Another factor that could be coming into play: Last year, he was a hungry career minor-leaguer, eager to make the most of every opportunity given to him. This year, he makes the team from the get-go. Not to say he doesn't try hard, but maybe the edge he had last year is not there.

There are 6 hitters on this team batting under .200. 4 of them are on the bench, but that does the team no favors when it comes to pinch-hitting. If the 1986 incarnation of Roger Clemens were facing today's team, 20 strikeouts in a game would be a walk in the park. If things don't improve with this offense, the Sox will become irrelevant well before school lets out for the summer.

Inexcusable

This Red Sox team is absolutely exasperating! They were like this last year too, but at least then they could blame all the injuries. A healthy team performing this badly has nobody to blame but themselves. Stupidity, the second coming of Eric Gagne and an offense that is going to lead to a spike in antacid and antidepressant sales all over Red Sox Nation led to this embarrassing loss.

Good teams take advantage of opportunities and build momentum. Good teams are focused and disciplined at the plate and in the field. Good teams show up for all nine innings. The Red Sox obviously are not playing like a good team. If the game were called squanderball, where points were awarded for men left on base and called third strikes, they'd win the World Series. For a team with a payroll as large as that of the Red Sox, this kind of play is unacceptable. What's even more disheartening is that they show no signs of turning it around. There's no fire or sense of urgency with this team and the thought of a late-inning comeback or walkoff win seems just about inconceivable.

I honestly don't know what it will take to get this bunch, many of whom make obscene amounts of money, to perform up to their potential, whether they need a more take-charge kind of manager, a new hitting coach, or what. This is not just one game I'm talking about. This is how the entire first month of the season (less tomorrow's game) has gone. They teased us out west, making us think they had righted the ship, but they're still clearly lost at sea.

A Happy Ending

All things considered, the Red Sox' road trip was a successful one. They come home having gone 6-3 in Oakland, LA, and Baltimore. While the 2-game hiccup against the O's kept them from reaching .500 on the season, they avoided the sweep by winning tonight's game 6-2. Lester kept the O's to 2 runs over 8 innings and Pap was dominant even in a non-save situation. The bats finally arrived from LA--the Sox put up 2 runs early, added another in the 7th, and 3 more in the 8th.

Two guys in particular were responsible for firing up the run-scoring machine: Jacoby Ellsbury and Adrian Gonzalez. The first 2 runs were generated by Gonzo driving in Ells. Ells then added two RBI of his own in the 8th with a bases-loaded single. The numbers 1 and 3 hitters each notched 3 hits tonight and it's great to see them get hot Salty also singled with the sacks full and Pedey's slow roller eluded O's third baseman Mark Reynolds for a RBI infield hit. Let's give Salty his due--he's come up with some pretty big hits for the Sox this season.

Back in Boston tomorrow, Dice-K looks to bring his Dr. Jekyll game to the hill against the M's. For the sake of the Red Sox getting a game closer to .500, Dice-K ought to put Mr. Hyde on a rocket and send him to Neptune (The Moon is just not far enough away!) A memo to the hitters: Jet lag doesn't apply when you're flying home from Baltimore. I want to see a laser show from you, you hear?

Oops! We Forgot The Bats!

The streak is over. Which streak, you ask? The 5-game winning streak? The 20-inning scoreless pitching streak? Jed Lowrie's hit streak? All 3, unfortunately. Buchholz gave me disturbing 2008 flashbacks in his 4-run, 12-hit outing, but at least he went 6 2/3 and kept the ball in the ballpark. The offense missed the flight, and spent the last two days at Disneyland. Clutch hitting was absent. Riding Space Mountain, perhaps? Jed Lowrie looked more like Jet Lag. The Carl Crawford we saw in the last two games out west was nowhere to be found. When the sacks were full in the 5th, Adrian Gonzalez was out to lunch (or, at that hour, maybe it was dinner). Perhaps the Red Sox batters need to be hypnotized when there are men on base to believe that the bases are empty. Pinch-hitter Marco Swing-at-the-first-pitch-aro gave the O's about as easy a last out as they could hope for. Maybe that day off killed their momentum. When you're going good, you don't want days off. Of course, it was a scheduled off-day, so nothing they could have done about that. Just bad luck.

Perhaps I was spoiled by all the shutdown pitching of late, but Buchholz looking like his 2008 self is very unsettling. He had such a stellar, breakout season last year and following that up is no easy task, but I didn't expect this much regression. It's still early in the season and he could be having one of those Aprils that Lester, before this year, had been known to have. Does he really miss throwing to V-Mart that much? Is he having a tough time adjusting to a new pitching coach? I guess we'll have to wait and see how it plays out. If the other four starters continue to toss quality starts (not necessarily shutouts, although those are nice), Buch's scuffling on the mound won't be too big of an issue, but if one or two of the others falters, things can go downhill in a hurry.

Tomorrow, Beckett is back on the bump, searching for win #3. The run support came too late last time against the Angels, when he allowed a 2-run dinger to Torii Hunter in the 7th, went out to pitch the 8th, but his teammates couldn't muster enough runs to win until the 11th, after he had left the game. The O's have Guthrie going and let's hope the Sox offense arrives at Camden Yards by game time.

Sweep City

They've had it done to them a few times already this season, especially in that brutal first week or so, but today, they were the ones doing it to another team. No longer roadkill, the Red Sox have found the West Coast to their liking. They've won 5 out of their 6 games in the Pacific time zone and pulled off a 4-game brooming of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. While the first two games of the series were close, in the last two, the Sox flat-out dominated the Halos; the last 18 innings did not see the Angels crack the scoreboard while the Sox knocked out 12 runs. In fact, the Angels in this series reminded me a little of how the Red Sox looked from April 1-7.

The thrower of scoreless frames today was John Lackey, who went 8 and struck out 6. He followed Dice-K's gem up with one of his own, giving more credence to the idea that good pitching is contagious. Unlike his last outing, when he kept the A's to a single run over 6 innings, his teammates backed him up with 7 runs. New Sox Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez chipped in two apiece: Crawford with his first long ball for his new team and Gonzalez with 2 RBI singles. This is the second consecutive 2-hit game for Crawford, who looks to be returning to the form that netted him the big bucks in the offseason. What a weight that is being lifted from his shoulders!

After an off-day tomorrow, the Sox try to carry their momentum back East as they go to Baltimore for 3 games and then back home to The Fens. One more win will put them at .500 for the first time this season. Until then, they'll have to settle for double digits in the win column.

By the way, the C's also pulled off a sweep today. They broomed the New York Knicks in the first round of the playoffs. Double-doubles for Rondo and KG!

Twice as Nice For Dice

As the Red Sox climb their way out of the dungeon, the starting pitchers are leading the way. They've gone from looking absolutely abysmal to lights-out spectacular as the Sox win 7 of their last 8 games with a 1.01 ERA. This 180 degree turnaround has been key to the Sox fighting their way back to respectability and continuing their climb to .500. They still have two more wins to go without a loss before they get there, but they are heading in the right direction.

Dice-K has pitched back-to-back gems and a total of 15 scoreless innings, allowing only 3 hits and striking out 13. Watching him pitch like this, we know his potential and we wish he could pitch more like he did tonight and on Monday at Fenway against the Jays. It's unrealistic to expect him to continue to pitch scoreless one-hitters, but attacking the strike zone and keeping walks to a minimum is not too much to ask. I tip my Red Sox cap to Dice-K for stepping up and giving the team the kind of pitching they need to put their atrocious start behind them.

A few other good things came out of tonight's game:

1. Improved hitting with RISP.

2. Ells and Crawford with 2-hit games

3. Tek remembers how to hit and almost hits one out, but settles for a double.

4. Youk made it back into the lineup and went yard, tying him with Ells for the team home run lead. That kinda makes up for him whiffing 3 times.

Tomorrow they go for a sweep of the Halos. Lackey is on the mound for the Sox in a bid to make back-to-back quality starts, pitching to his former team. Fortunately, it's an afternoon game. I've had enough of the late-nighters.

Here We Go Again

Yesterday (with apologies to The Beatles)

Yesterday, Red Sox' troubles seemed so far away
Now it seems as though they're here to stay
Oh how I long for yesterday

On the road, they're not half the team they are at home
5 and 11 makes us moan and groan
They need to win some on the road

Why they cannot hit worth a lick no one can say
There is something wrong when they're not at old Fenway

Yesterday, Lowrie hit all balls that came his way
But he couldn't buy a hit today
In Oakland they don't like to play.

Lackey pitched a great game, but had to take a loss
Boston lost their chance to show Oakland who is boss

Yesterday, Red Sox' troubles seemed so far away
Now it seems as though they're here to stay
Oh how I long for yesterday.

Let's Take This Show On The Road

To say it was an awesome weekend for the Red Sox would be an understatement. Going into Saturday's game, the team was 2-10 and completely woebegone. Nothing was working for them, neither on the mound, at the plate, or in the field. This weekend, we started to see the team we were hoping to see from Opening Day. On Saturday, Beckett continued on his way back to ace-dom with another Commander Kick-Ass outing, going 8 innings and giving up one run. On Sunday, Lester also kept the Jays to a single run. Today, it looked like either Beckett or Lester were pitching in a Dice-K suit--since he's a righty, I'll go with Beckett. Dice-K was the Dr. Jekyll version (Peter Abraham of the Globe called Matsuzaka "Trick or Treat"), commanding the strike zone and leaving the Jays stymied. He wasn't throwing them right down the middle like his 100% Pure Mr. Hyde start last Monday against the Rays, but painting the corners. When he has outings like these, we all wonder why he can't pitch like this more often.

Meanwhile, the offense, which put up 8 runs yesterday, continued to put its collective funk in the past and put up a 9-spot. Jed Lowrie, who is raking up a storm, lead the pack with 4 RBIs, the first 2 coming on a bases-loaded single in the 1st inning and the second 2 on a dinger in the 5th. Youk, who came within an inch or two of a homer in the 3rd, didn't miss the second time he hit the ball to right field. The ball landed in the Jays' pen for a 2-run shot. Then, in the 7th, Ells went yard for the second game in a row. He now leads the team in homers with 4. Papi's single plated Youk in the 3rd. Even he of the epic slump, Carl Crawford, plated a run when his wall-ball double scored Lowrie from first. It's clear Lowrie needs to remain in the game while his bat is scorching hot. With two lefties on the mound in Oakland, it's an absolute necessity, as Lowrie batting from the right side is a bona-fide lefty-killer. For Lowrie, being healthy and able to contribute at a high level is great to see. The wrist injury and the mono are behind him now and the real Jed Lowrie has emerged. He won't keep hitting over .500, that's for sure, but he'll be one of the better bats at shortstop.

Now, it's time to take this winning streak and better baseball on the road. The Sox have yet to win away from Fenway and West Coast trips have been tough on them in the past, but I'm hoping they can carry some momentum with them to Oakland. If good pitching is as contagious as bad pitching, let's hope Lackey caught the bug!

Streaking?

Don't look now but the Red Sox just won two games in a row. That constitutes a win streak. A small one, but still a streak. It did my heart good--in more ways than one--to see the pitching staff limit the Jays to just one run in back-to-back games. Beckett followed up his awesome performance against the Yanks with another one against the Jays and Lester turned in his third quality start of the season, finally getting the run support he deserved.

Another key to these two wins was clutch hitting, most notably from Jed Lowrie (1 HR, 3 RBI over the two games), Ells (a 3-run tater in today's game) and Salty (3 RBI today). Lowrie, despite his defensive gaffe on a would-be double-play ball this afternoon, has been making his case for staying in the lineup, batting over .500, albeit in a very small sample size. He's the hot bat the Red Sox have to ride until they get the rest of the guys going.

Poor Carl Crawford. Hitting leadoff in Boston is just not agreeing with him, at least not yet. It looks like he just doesn't know what to do to get his bat going. Perhaps a visit with the sports shrink is in order. He's got the talent, but maybe the pressure of the contract and playing in Boston, where baseball reigns supreme, is in his head. He was a Tampa Bay Ray for so long that playing for another team has to take some getting used to. I think he'll get it together and start hitting and getting on base like he usually does (remember Pedey in April 2007?) but I think it will take moving him out of leadoff for that to happen. Ells is showing signs of coming out of his slump and if he doesn't fall too much in love with his home run stroke, he can be moved back up to leadoff soon.

As for Adrian "Kaching!" Gonzalez (the big payday came on Friday: 7 years and $154 mil), he's been getting his hits, but the power has yet to show up. He has one dinger that came on the road in Cleveland, but hasn't gone yard yet at Fenway. He has a triple and 3 doubles, including one to the opposite field today and the rest have been singles. Of course, it took Beltre a little while to get his home run stroke going last season and when he did, he really took off.

The next few games will be a real test for the Sox, with Dice-K pitching tomorrow (who said the marathon is just for runners?) and a West Coast trip starting Tuesday. Lackey and Buchholz, as well as Dice-K, need to step up and start putting up quality starts. It's unfair to expect Beckett and Lester to carry the entire rotation. In order for the Red Sox to keep climbing out of that hole, they need improvement from the underperforming 60% of the starting rotation. Those two wins were great to see and they were two steps in the right direction, but the Sox aren't out of the woods yet. A strong showing on the West Coast is a necessity.

WTF????

This team is certifiably insane. Either that or it needs to give all of its fans some of the drugs it's taking so watching this season can be somewhat bearable. Last night, Beckett dominates the Yankees and the Sox manage to score some runs to win the game. Tonight, Dice-K spontaneously combusts in the 2nd inning and so does every one else not named Alfredo Aceves. They gave up 16 runs to the one team coming into tonight's game with a worse record then themselves. If that doesn't make them the laughingstock of baseball, what does? Honestly, if this keeps up much longer, it's going to take some heavy duty self-medication to get through this season. Just bring the Pawtucket team up and send the Boston team down. The AAA guys can't do much worse.

A Thing Of Beauty

If only I DVRed last night's game! I had some family business to attend to last night, so I couldn't watch it as it aired, but last night's game was a reminder that, sometimes, when we least expect it, in a game we were sure would have gone the other way given recent history, something amazing happens. That amazing something was Josh Beckett's 8-shutout-inning gem against a team that completely pinata'd him last year. It was a game reminiscent of 2007 and of the 2003 World Series when Beckett was a 23-year-old Florida Marlin pitching the game that propelled his team to victory over the Yankees. Last night's game was also against the Yankees.

The offense didn't exactly explode last night, but they didn't need to. All they needed in the end was a single run, which they got in the 3rd inning in a rather interesting way: With the bases loaded and no one out, Papi grounded into a double play and Pedey came home from third. The run was negated when it was determined that Youk went out of the baseline to slide into Jeter in an effort to break up the double play. Fortunately, Cam dropped a slow roller in the hole between short and third and Pedey was able to score. Scoots provided a little insurance in the 7th with double with the bases loaded to bring in 2 more runs. Papi added another one with an RBI double in the 8th.

With Beckett just over 100 pitches after 8 innings, Tito elected to send Pap out for the ninth. Pap delivered, fanning Gardner and Teixeira while getting Jeter to ground out. The Sox had blanked the Yanks and took 2 of 3 in a game that has the potential to be a turning point in the season. Beckett showed the Red Sox that he could still bring it and maybe, just maybe, he will pitch like he has in other odd-numbered years in his career. After Buch took a tumble in Saturday afternoon's game, seeing Beckett step up against a team that lit him up last year was a very encouraging sign. We can't get too carried away, however--the offense is still stranding baserunners like there's no tomorrow--and we can't take the Rays for granted, even though they, as of last night, are off to an even worse start than the Sox (1-8 vs. 2-7). The Rays tend to play their best against the Red Sox and the Sox are sending Dice-K to the mound to set the tone for the series. It will be interesting to see how this one plays out. I hope the Sox can take at least 2 of 3 and keep climbing out of the hole, but we'll need more pitching performances like last night's and last Thursday's to get on that much-needed winning streak.

Home Sweet Fenway

It had to turn around sometime. The brutal losing streak that found the Red Sox spinning their wheels and shaking their heads at the combination of poor play and outrageous misfortune had them tumbling to the AL East dungeon. All they needed was a friendly crowd and their beloved home ballpark. They needed the support of the crowd, the cheers and reassurances that they are at home now and things will get better. Most of all, they desperately needed to get that first win.

In order to get the comatose offense to snap out of their stupor, they needed a spark. A spark to ignite a long-awaited laser show. Who else but Pedey? After all, he had homered in last 2 home openers. In the first inning, back in his familiar 2-hole, he launched a Phil Hughes offering into the monster seats to cut a 2-run Lackey-created deficit in half. Make that his last 3 home openers! The Sox weren't able to put anymore runs up in the first, but after Lackey gave up another run in the second, the Sox answered with 5--count'em, 5--runs in the second: Three straight hits, by Drew, Salty, and Ells, loaded the sacks. Scoots came up and grounded to short. Salty was forced out at third as Drew crossed the plate. Crawford grounded out, moving Ells and Scoots to second and third. Then came the instigator, a.k.a. Pedey. He singled up the middle and drove in Ells and Scoots. Gonzalez singled home Pedey, who took second on a wild throw by Granderson, then Youk walked. Papi went up the middle for a single and, as Youk got himself caught in a rundown, Gonzalez scored.

Unfortunately, that 5-run inning wouldn't be enough, as John "Givembackey" Lackey would allow three more runs, including an A-Rod shot into the Monster seats, in the third, fourth, and fifth innings. In the meantime, former Sox castoff Bartolo Colon--he who landed on the DL after swinging the bat during interleague play in 2008--kept the Sox at bay until the bottom of the fifth, when the much beleaguered Salty hit a wall-ball double to score Youk, who walked and advanced to third on a Teixeira error on Papi's grounder. Sox up 7-6. Lackey is pitcher of record and could get the win if the Sox stay ahead.

Stay ahead they did, as newly-recalled Alfredo Aceves kept his former teammates off the board, followed by Jenks, Bard, and Pap, the latter two pitching perfect innings. JD Drew added a little insurance when he knocked in Gonzalez and Papi (off a lefty to boot!). Fenway erupted in elation and relief as the Sox notched their long-awaited first win. Defeating the Yankees made it all the sweeter.

Now that they've gotten the first one out of the way, they still have a steep climb out of that hole, but momentum is on their side. Tomorrow afternoon, Buchholz looks to give the Sox win #2. In the post-game press conference, Tito quipped something along the lines of "This is the happiest 1-6 team I've ever seen" Good job, boys! Now let's do it again tomorrow (and the next day, and the next day...etc.)

Top Ten Red Sox Excuses for 0-6 Record

With apologies to David Letterman.

The Sox are in a hole they haven't seen since my mom was 2 months old and the Splendid Splinter, among others, was away from the team fighting in World War II. Yes, you heard me right, World War II! 1945. I've ranted, raved, pleaded, waxed esoteric, but all to no avail. All that's left is humor.

Top Ten Red Sox Excuses for 0-6 Record

10. The Front Office won't give us time off to hear Charlie Sheen talk about "Winning!"
9. 4 lb pretzels and chicken waffles just don't sit very well in the stomach.
8. Paying homage to the 1945 team, of course.
7. We always wanted to be more like the Tampa Bay Rays.
6. Nothing like lulling the rest of the division into complacency
5. What's the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame doing in Fort Myers? And why is it so damn cold??
4. What's a bunt?
3. Opening Day's tomorrow, right? What? No? Those weren't exhibition games??? Now you tell us!
2. We were glued to the tube while LeBron made "The Decision" to join up with his bazillionaire buddy who happens to own this team.
1. What, we're not playing golf?

Fear and Loathing in Red Sox Nation

To say that things are tense among the Red Sox fanbase would be an understatement. The team is off to its worst start in 15 years and have yet to win a game. The various political factions of Red Sox Nation--we're not talking Democrats and Republicans here--are at each other's virtual throats on message boards and social media and the pundits who prematurely crowned this team World Series Champions before the first pitch of the season was thrown are now marveling at how spectacularly bad the 2011 Red Sox look.

Allow me to explain the Red Sox Nation political factions (or, if you're thinking of Red Sox fandom as a religion, sects): On one hand, you have the Panic Party, also known as the Chicken Little Society. The radical Panicists want to fire, trade, or demote anyone and everyone who contributed to a single Red Sox loss.

On the other end of the spectrum, you have the KTF Party, where KTF stands for "Keep The Faith". KTFs are the team's most unflinching cheerleaders and nothing ruffles their feathers more than the presence of Panicists. KTFs are optimistic about the team and are quick to tell anyone who expresses doubt to "jump off the bandwagon," or "go be a Yankees fan". Panicists firmly believe that KTFs reside in a deep state of denial. The fundamentalist KTFs may go as far as to say "It's still early" in September.

In the middle of the two extremes lies the Realistic Party. The Realists understand the ups and downs of a baseball season and have more patience than the Panicsts, but they have no problem voicing their frustrations with the team, unlike the KTFs. They know the team's strengths and weaknesses and they strive to be as optimistic as they can, but they know how unpredictable baseball can be. I'd like to think I belong to this group, but, to be honest, I have a strong foothold in the Panic Party as well. The Dark Side beckons, folks, and it's hard to resist...

As for the Red Sox themselves, please, for the love of all things baseball, WIN a game before the Pancists declare mutiny and storm the Fenway opener with torches and pitchforks.

Disclaimer: The part about torches and pitchforks was in jest and I do not condone such devilish shenanigans.

Who Are These Guys Anyway?

So few games, yet already so much FAIL! When they're hitting, they're not pitching. When they're pitching, they're not hitting. Who are these guys and where are the REAL Red Sox? They look like listless pod-people, especially at the plate. Beckett, while not economical by any stretch of the imagination, has given the Sox the best start so far, only allowing 3 runs on 5 hits and no balls left the yard. The bullpen's been impressive too, providing 3 scoreless relief innings after Beckett labored through 5. The "vaunted" and very expensive offense went to sleep after Saturday night's game and hasn't woken up yet, despite the off-day and change of venue. Each inning, they keep pressing the snooze button. They're perfecting the art of grounding into the double play (someone ought to remind Tito of the existence of the hit and run or the takeout slide, anything to shake them out of the zombie-esque rollover twin-killing groundout). Frustrated with this team? You bet! Wake up, 2011 Red Sox! The season has started and the games count now! For real!

Torpedo of Red Sox Truth (apologies to Charlie Sheen)

How many of us believed the hype about the 2011 Red Sox being "The Best Team Ever," that they'd win at least 100 games, and that their World Series trophy had already been engraved? That's what the Boston press, among other media outlets had been trumpeting since the first week in December, when the Sox had acquired both Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford. After a bizarre and ultimately disappointing 2010 season, Red Sox Nation was ready for some good news. A lot of us really wanted to believe that these two acquisitions would magically turn the 2011 season into another 2007. I was and I still am very happy the Red Sox got both of these players. They have talent in spades and, as far as overpaying for Crawford goes, the free agent market mandates that teams who want premium talent either overpay or miss out.

Now for the reality check, which hit the Sox like a ton of bricks on Opening Weekend in the form of a tsunami of atomic bombs flying from the Rangers' bats out of the park. Eleven total. It was a historic debacle for the Boston boys, with Ian Kinsler being the first batter in MLB history to hit leadoff dingers in two consecutive games. Something went terribly, insanely awry with Red Sox pitchers this series, to the point that none of the starters could keep the ball in the yard to save their lives. If Lester and Buchholz, the two most talented and consistent starters in the rotation can't keep home run balls from flying out left and right, who on the staff can?

The Texas Rangers deserve some credit here for being absolutely ablaze right out of the gate. The reigning AL Champs took the Red Sox to the back of the shed and bludgeoned them into submission. It was a display of power that would be awesome to see if it were coming from the Red Sox bats. They have a great team that has an excellent chance of repeating as league champions. Where they stand relative to the Red Sox remains to be seen, despite their complete dominance of the Sox this past weekend.

The Sox still have a good chance of making the playoffs, but I think expectations need to be adjusted some. In all the excitement about Gonzalez and Crawford, the fact that the rotation is the exact same as last year was conveniently overlooked. Lester doesn't turn on his ace game until May and Buchholz was the beneficiary of an unusually low BABIP (batting average of balls in play) last year. In other words, some luck played a part in his 2.33 ERA. He's still right up there with Lester in talent and will probably have a very successful season, but with a slightly higher ERA. My wishful thinking said Lackey just needed a year to adjust to being in the AL East, but it could be that his stuff doesn't work as well against the powerful offenses of this division. Beckett and Dice-K are truly wild cards. When you don't know what you're going to get out of 60% of your rotation, it's a bit of a stretch to fit them for 2011 World Series rings in December, isn't it? In April, you can put Lester in the group with Beckett, Lackey and Dice-K.

Those who are calling out Curt Young for this weekend's pitching debacle have rather short memories. Besides 2007 and maybe 2008, the Sox pitching staff wasn't necessarily tearing it up with John Farrell either. To tell the truth, I don't know how much of the 2009 and 2010 pitching problems lie with the coach and how much can be attributed to the pitchers themselves. We know Dice-K sacrificed his 2009 season to pitch in the WBC, and the Penny and Smoltz experiments pretty much crashed and burned. In 2010 Beckett was either injured or pitched like he belonged in the lower minors, Lackey ate innings, but gave up too many walks and runs for our liking and for the investment the Sox made in him, and Dice-K alternated brilliance with befuddlement. If they're going to make an October push in 2011, at least two of the three pitchers not named Lester and Buchholz need to step up and put together a solid season with an ERA under 4. Of course, Lester and Buchholz need to continue to pitch well.

After all, while it's way too soon to say the season's over after a mere 3 games, it's also way too early to call the 2011 Red Sox total bitchin' rock stars from Mars either.

Seriously???

21 runs in 2 games??? 7 bombs??? Red Sox pitching so far in 2011 looks like a hot mess. Did they not get the memo about not pitching in-game batting practice to the opposing team? I know it's only two games and they're facing the reigning AL champs, but the pitching staff needs to get its act together pretty damn quick.

As for the hitters, Ellsbury, Gonzalez, Papi, and Youk are off to a great start. The rest, not so much. Pedey has one hit and Crawford, Salty, Scoots, Cameron, and Drew are 0-for-the season so far. We know that won't continue, but it would be nice to end those 0-fers sooner rather than later. Crawford doesn't worry me that much because he's a proven player in the AL East. Salty, on the other hand worries me a lot, on both the offense and the defense end. Perhaps Crawford can be dropped in the order to take the pressure off of him, as he seems to be pressing at the plate.

Tomorrow, it's Clay Buchholz' turn to try not to be clowned by the Rangers. Please, Buch, help the Sox avoid an embarrassing sweep and an 0-3 start to the season. It's up to you to be the stopper.

April Fooled

If someone would have told me that Lester would allow 3 home runs and not strike out a single batter, I would have suspected an April Fool's joke. Yet that's exactly what happened on Opening Day 2011. Continuing his history of April scuffling, Lester gave up 5 runs and let 3 balls leave the yard. After Albers, Reyes and Wheeler held the line (though Reyes walked the only batter he faced), Bard came in and stoked the Rangers' offensive fire, letting 4 more runs in, after Big Papi tied the game in the top of the 8th inning with a solo shot to left.

Despite the outcome of the game, there was plenty of good going on for the Sox: Ells reached base 4 times out of 5 on 2 hits (a single and a double), a walk and an error. He also collected his first stolen base of the season. Youk showed signs of coming out of his spring slump with a hit, an RBI and a walk. The biggest story of the game was Adrian Gonzalez, who knocked in 3 of the 5 Red Sox runs with 2 very timely hits. He took advantage of the Rangers' inattention to him at first and swiped just the second base of his career.

The other big offseason acqusition, Carl Crawford, had a day at the plate that he'd just as soon forget: 0 for 4 with 3 Ks. The bottom of the order (Cameron, Salty, and Scoots) also came up empty, save for a walk by Cameron.

The Sox did better than I'd expected against Wilson (4 runs over 5.2 innings) but their pitching just couldn't hold the leads and ties they had. Ironically, it was two of the most reliable arms on the team that did the damage. Having them both implode on one day shouldn't happen that often.

So the Sox dropped the opener, but remember, they dropped the opener in '04 and '07 as well. Just sayin... 161 games to go.

Tomorrow: Lackey vs. Colby Lewis. Let's take 2 of 3!