Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Boston Red Sox, Sesame Street Style

In honor of the 4oth anniversary of the best children's show ever, let's take a look at what might happen if our favorite Red Sox players were played by our favorite Muppets:

At first base, playing the role of Kevin Youkilis is...Bert!
At second base, playing the role of Dustin Pedroia...Ernie!
At third base, playing the role of Mike Lowell...Grover!
At shortstop, playing the role of Alex Gonzalez...Kermit the Frog!
Behind the plate, playing the role of Victor Martinez...Oscar The Grouch (not saying V-Mart is grouchy or anything, but someone had to be Oscar!)
In left field, playing the role of Jason Bay...Cookie Monster!
In center field, playing the role of Jacoby Ellsbury...Elmo!
In right field, playing the role of JD Drew...Count Von Count!
Your Designated Hitter, playing the role of David Ortiz...Big Bird!

On the mound, playing the role of Jon Lester... Snuffleupagus!

In the booth...muppetized versions of Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo!

Muppet Don: We're in the top of the third inning of a scoreless game at Fenway Park. The Muppet Sox are in the field and the Yankartoons are at bat. Bugs Bunny leads off this inning. Oscar's giving the signs to Snuffleupagus, but Snuffleupagus is shaking him off. Oscar, trash can and all, hops to the mound.

Oscar: For pete's sake, make up your mind on what you wanna throw!

Snuffleupagus: Calm down, Oscar. I'm only trying to interrupt the batter's timing.

Oscar: Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. (hops back to position behind the plate)

Muppet Remy: By the way, children, this game is brought to you by the letters H and R and the number 9. What starts with an H, Don?

Muppet Don: How about a "hit"?

Muppet Remy: Very good, Don, but we don't want the Yankartoons to get a hit now, do we?

Muppet Don: No we do not. The pitch! Bugs Bunny lines one to right center field, well hit and...Elmo dives and makes the catch!

Elmo: Elmo caught the ball! Elmo caught the ball!

Count: One out!

Muppet Remy: Elmo is very excited about making that catch, isn't he, Don?

Muppet Don: Elmo gets excited about everything, Jerry. We hear about it every time he makes a diving catch or steals a base.

Muppet Remy: He's an excitable guy, our young centerfielder!

Muppet Don: Now, Snuffleupagus gets ready to make another pitch. A cutter down and in to Mickey Mouse. Mickey rolls it over to Ernie at second and Ernie throws to Bert for the out at first.

Count: Two outs!

Muppet Remy: Our right fielder always knows how many outs we have in the inning, how many bats we have in the dugout, how many lockers we have in the clubhouse.

Muppet Don: That's our Count! Now Garfield's up for the Yankartoons with two out and nobody on. The pitch by Snuffleupagus is a ball. And another ball. And another ball! A three and oh count to Garfield. Oscar is not happy about this at all.

Oscar: Throw strikes, will ya?

Muppet Don: Here's the 3-0 pitch to Garfield. And it's off the green monster. Cookie Monster hauls it in to keep Garfield, who can't run very fast, to a single. Now, Snoopy steps into the batter's box.

Muppet Remy: That was a nice play by Cookie Monster. He just gobbled that ball up, didn't he? Ha ha ha!

Muppet Don: He sure did, Jerry. Now, Snuffleupagus throws a fastball up and in to Snoopy. A swing and a miss. Strike one! Here comes a changeup. That one falls in for strike two! Snuffy goes back to the fastball and Snoopy swings and misses again. Strike three!

Count: Three outs! Inning over!

Muppet Don: Now we move on to the bottom of the third. Big Bird is up and Wile E. Coyote's on the mound. Wile E. is trying to get ahead in the count so he throws a first-pitch fastball. Big Bird hits it very hard into straightaway center field. Back, back, gone! Home run Big Bird! Muppet Sox take a 1-0 lead!

Muppet Remy: Hey Don, "home run" starts with an H too! And the "run" part starts with an R! I love when this happens!

Muppet Don: Our sponsors are thanking us for this! Ha ha ha!

(Six innings later. Game is over and the Muppet Sox win)

Muppet Don: That was a great game, wasn't it Jerry?

Muppet Remy: Yes it was. All 9 innings of it. The Muppet Sox scored 9 runs and the Yankartoons struck out 9 times. Big Bird had three RBI, which also starts with an R! Cookie Monster knocked in two runs of his own, and Oscar, Bert, Ernie, and Grover drove in a run apiece. We got all this information from the Count, of course. Kermit turned a nice double-play in the fifth, when Yosemite Sam grounded sharply to shortstop and Snuffleupagus threw all 9 innings, giving up only 2 runs. I'll say it was a great game! Goodnight, kids!

Monday, November 9, 2009

My Dream 2010 Lineup/Rotation

The GMs are meeting in Chicago this week and the much-talked-about winter meetings are coming up next month. So far this offseason, the Red Sox have traded for Jeremy Hermida, declined options on Alex Gonzalez and Tek, negotiated a new deal with Wake, and picked up V-Mart's option. Jason Bay is, or will soon be, a free agent.

That said, let's put aside that pesky thing called reality for a moment and take a look at my dream 2010 Red Sox team, a team that could challenge the Yankees, Angels, Rays, Rangers, or any other team that decides it wants to have a monster year.

First, the position players:

1B : Adrian Gonzalez--Make it happen, Theo, PLEASE!!!!
2B: Dustin Pedroia--No-brainer there.
SS: A guy with a decent stick and a decent glove. Any suggestions?
3B: Kevin Youkilis--Move Youk to 3rd full time.
C: Victor Martinez--Another no-brainer
LF: Jason Bay or Matt Holliday
CF: Jacoby Ellsbury--Speed's always a good thing
RF: JD Drew--Great defense and can put up some good offense too.
DH: Mike Lowell or David Ortiz--Gonna be a tough choice, that one!

Bench: Jeremy Hermida (OF), Jed Lowrie (SS, 2B, 3B) Backup catcher with good arm and good defense, Fifth outfielder/Second backup infielder

SP #1: Felix Hernandez or Roy Halladay
SP #2: Jon Lester
SP #3: Josh Beckett
SP#4: Daisuke Matsuzaka/Clay Buchholz
SP #5: Tim Wakefield/Rich Harden or some other FA pickup with recent American League experience

Bullpen: Daniel Bard, Hideki Okajima, Ramon Ramirez, Jonathan Papelbon, plus two more pickups, one of whom is a lefty.

Number one priority should be getting Adrian Gonzalez. They NEED a bat like his if they want to compete in a division that also includes the Bronx Bombers. He's also very good defensively. Fielder may have a great bat now, but with his size, I worry that he'll be in for a M0 Vaughn-esque decline in a few years. It will take a helluva lot to get him, but he's one of very few players who is worth it. Even if it means losing someone like Ellsbury or Buchholz. Seeing Ellsbury or Buchholz go would be very tough and I really hope it doesn't come to that, but getting a player like Gonzalez is an opportunity the Sox can't afford to pass up on. Not in the AL East.

Number two priority: Another starting pitcher. While the Sox probably don't have the chips to land both King Feliz or Halladay and Gonzalez, Lackey is available in free agency. Rich Harden would be a "reclamation project" worth trying because he pitched in the AL as recently as two years ago. Lester has the potential to be a #1 starter and I think he his very close to becoming one, but he needs to find his groove a little earlier in the season. Last year, it took until almost the end of May. Beckett these days is more like a #2 because he really only had that one outstanding year with the Red Sox, 2007. We saw some of that excellence this past season, but we also saw stretches where he served up gopher balls like it was going out of style.

Number three priority: Shortstop. This should be priority #2a, really. The Sox need a good everyday shortstop and they haven't been able to find what they want since Nomar left at the '04 trade deadline. Alex Gonzalez has a great glove, but the bat is generally subpar, despite the tear he went on at the end of last season. Jed Lowrie was too hampered by a left wrist injury to contribute anything at the plate last year and needs to prove that he can stay healthy. Signing FA Marco Scutaro is a possibility, but he's getting on in baseball years and depending on him to replicate his career '09 season this year might be asking a little too much. J.J. Hardy would have been worth a shot, but the Twins snapped him up.

Number four priority: Backup catcher. Sad to say, at this point I hope Tek does not exercise his $3 million player option with the Red Sox and opts instead to retire or give free agency another try. I appreciate what he has done for the team over the years, but his skills have declined to the point that he can no longer be effective the second half of the season. And that's just with the bat. Defensively, he has struggled as well, with passed balls and allowing an astonishing number of stolen bases. Part of the stolen base thing is on the pitcher, but a catcher with a stronger and more accurate throwing arm would help. V-Mart is almost as bad with allowing stolen bases (and throwing the ball into the outfield) but his bat and ability to back up first base is more than enough to make up for that deficiency. Plus, V-Mart can catch Wake's knuckler.

My dream Red Sox team has a snowball's chance in hell of happening, but adding a key offensive piece and a few other complementary pieces, plus playing with more joie de vivre on the road, would go a long way.


LET'S GO RED SOX!!!!!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

You Phillie Blockheads!

Oh good grief! You Phillies went and lost the World Series! That means I'll be avoiding reading or watching anything coming out of the Big Apple for the next couple of days (or weeks, could be some massive, protracted gloating going on. Months??) How could you? You were supposed to repeat, dang it! Could it be that ad in a Philly paper showing Phillies World Champs T-shirts pissed off the baseball gods--nothing riles them more than teams jumping the gun. Just ask the Red Sox after June 30th of this year. They leave the field with only two outs in the inning and then go on to blow an 8-run lead. So, anyway...

...Red Sox Nation was dealt a collective gut-punch tonight. The Enemy emerged with the big prize while our team had a blink-and-you-missed-it post-season. Was the whole ball of wax won last December when Steinbrenner, Cashman, & Co. won the free agent sweepstakes? Who knows, but they've spent in the past and had nothing to show for it. Maybe it was just their turn. Damn, it hurt to say that! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Despite what happened in the Bronx tonight, the world's still turning and there will be baseball next year. The Red Sox front office just might have some extra motivation to improve the team for next year, and it must improve in all facets of the game in order to compete with the Yanks, the Angels, and any of those up-and-coming teams like the Rangers and Rays. Leadership is needed in the clubhouse and it will have to come from someone other than Papi or Tek. Guys like Ells and Pedey are still a little too young to assume that role. V-Mart is a candidate. He was the new guy last year, having just come over at the trade deadline, but this year would be a great time to take those leadership qualities he had with the Tribe and use them to unify and motivate the Red Sox.

A power bat or two, a mid-rotation starter, a backup catcher with a decent throwing arm and maybe another sharp reliever could put them where the Yanks are now. After all, 2004...2007...is 2010 next??

LET'S GO RED SOX!!! WIN IT AGAIN IN 2010!!!!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

October 27, 2004

Anyone who calls themselves a Red Sox fan knows the importance of that date. It has to be the greatest day in the long, storied history of the Boston Red Sox franchise. It marked the end of a nightmare that lasted for nearly a century for Red Sox Nation. 86 years without a World Series championship...that's longer than the average life expectancy, longer than the wait for Halley's Comet, long enough for the way we live to change dramatically. My great-grandfather, a lifelong New Englander, was born in 1897 and saw five Red Sox World Championships from the time he was six to the time he was 21, then didn't see another one for the rest of his life. He would have had to have lived to be 107 to have seen them win it all again in 2004! My father, also a New Englander and lifelong Red Sox fan, had to wait 56 years to see a World Series Championship for his beloved team. All the waiting, the "almosts," the frustration culminated in one euphoric moment as Keith Foulke tossed the ball to Doug Mientkiewicz for the final out of Game 4 that sealed the deal, completing a sweep of the team that twice (in 1946 and 1967) shattered their World Series dreams, the St. Louis Cardinals.

2004 was a year of destiny for New England sports fans, with the Pats winning the Super Bowl earlier that year and the Red Sox reversing the "curse" and winning the World Series in the fall. It couldn't have been scripted better by Hollywood's finest screenwriters. To have the Sox win it all again three years later, with a mix of the 2004 crowd and some new faces, made a statement to the sports world that the Boston Red Sox are a force to be reckoned with in the 21st century. Things won't always be easy and no team can win it all every year, but for the past six years, save for an injury-plagued 2006, the Sox have been contenders and I expect they will continue to be contenders with the talent they have in their system and through shrewd trades and free-agent pickups. When they can win as many games as they had this year and last with a streaky offense, inconsistent starting pitching, and middle-of-the-pack defense, they're one helluva team.

LET'S GO 2010 RED SOX!!!!!

Monday, October 26, 2009

May the Red Pinstripes Win

The Red Pinstripes would be the Philadelphia Phillies. Not only am I rooting for them to win the World Series because they have a chance to repeat, but also because of who they are playing. As any Red Sox fan will tell you, we root for two teams: The Red Sox and whoever is playing the Yankees. This post-season has been hard to stomach as a Sox fan, with the Yanks playing the way they are and Red Sox Nation Public Enemy #1, A-Rod, suddenly morphing into Mr. Clutch. CC Sabathia has transformed from post-season train wreck to ALCS MVP. It's enough for any sensible, well-adjusted, mature Red Sox fan to stomp her (or his) foot, pout, and wail "it's just not faaaaair!"

Ok, now that we've got that out of our systems, it was plain to see that it just wasn't the Red Sox year. Despite winning 95 games, the 2009 Red Sox were remarkably inconsistent, whether it be on the mound or at the plate. The home and road splits showed them to be a team that could dominate at home, but mediocre away from friendly Fenway. The bargain-bin acquisitions in the off-season didn't pan out and left the front office scrambling at the deadline and beyond to fill holes in the rotation and in the offense. Control of an opposing team's running game was nonexistent. Thanks to a strong first half of the season, especially for the offense and bullpen, the Sox won enough games to make it into the playoffs, but once they got there, the wheels came off again and their post-season was as short as it could possibly be.

As I mentioned in my previous blog, the front office has a lot of work to do to improve the team for 2010. The post-season isn't over yet and already I'm missing watching the Red Sox play. For the next week or so, I'll masquerade as a Phillies fan and hope Pedro can be his vintage self against the Yanks.

LET'S GO 2010 RED SOX!!! LET'S GO 2009 PHILLIES!!! BEAT THE YANKS!!!!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Looking To The Future

Today's 7-6 loss to the Angels ended the Red Sox' 2009 season. I don't want to go into how they lost; there's plenty of that already on the 'net. It's time to look to 2010 and how the front office can improve the team for next year.

1. Hire a new hitting coach. One of the biggest problems this season was inconsistent offense from a very talented and capable lineup. This was particularly problematic on the road and against quality pitching. Championship teams hit well enough on the road to win more games than they lose. In 2007, the Red Sox had a winning road record and we know how that season ended. The two years following, they did not and, while they got to the playoffs, they didn't go as far as they'd like. The Red Sox need a fresh approach to their offensive attack, an approach that can help them succeed better away from Fenway.

2. Sign or trade for another quality starting pitcher. Felix Hernandez would be ideal, but it would take a lot of prospects and maybe some major-league talent as well to pry him away from Seattle. Roy Halladay is another option. He's older, but still one of the best pitchers in the game. I've heard Rich Harden suggested. He's an injury concern, but when he's healthy he's much better than a Penny or a Smoltz. Plus, he has had success in the AL, having been an Oakland A not too long ago.

3. Bring back Wake for half a season. Wake had a great first half, but an injury-plagued second half. He will have back surgery in the off-season. It might not be a bad idea to bring him back for help down the stretch, giving him extra tiem to recover from surgery and get his strength back.

4. Sign Jason Bay to a long-term contract. Bay has his drawbacks, such as high strikeout rate and not the world's best defense, but he's good for at least 30 HR and 100 RBI and those guys are not easy to come by, especially in this year's FA market.

5. Find a good bench bat that can stay healthy. One thing that hurt the Red Sox in the ALDS was lack of a decent bat off the bench, since Rocco Baldelli was injured. Rocco is a local boy with lots of talent and he's had a rough go of it with the channelopathy. However, they need a more durable bench bat for next year. I'm not sure who's available there. If they can find a young first or third baseman with decent pop, Lowell can be that bench bat.

6. Find a good defensive catcher to back up V-Mart. One with an arm who can throw out baserunners. I don't know who's available via trade or free agency, but the Sox need someone to help control the running game. Offer Varitek a coaching job somewhere in the system.

That's a lot of work, but the Red Sox, while they don't have the bottomless pit of money the Yanks do, have the resources to get much of this done. There are risks involved, but leaving the team as it is next year without making improvements is much riskier. They can't win every year and it may take a few years to build them back to being the team they were in 2007. Hopefully the next few years will see new leaders emerging in the clubhouse to give focus and drive to the team, the "mojo" they need to play their very best and win another championship in the not-too-distant future. Win or lose, and as disappointing and frustrating as those losses can be, the Red Sox will always be my team. It's in my blood. My great-grandfather saw the Sox win it all several times in the early 20th century and used to take my father and uncle to Fenway Park when the were little and they got to see Ted Williams play. He did not live to see them win again in 2004, as he passed away in 1992 at the age of 95. He would be happy to know that they've returned to their winning ways this decade after that 86-year drought.

LET'S GO 2010 RED SOX!!!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Can a whole team fit under the bus?

Because that's where I'm throwing 'em! Damn the Red Sox for keeping me wide-eyed and pissed-off at 2 am. This team looks like it would rather be somewhere else. Anywhere but at Angel Stadium in Anaheim. They look sad, tired, defeated, overmatched, and OLD! This is the friggin' PLAYOFFS!!!! There are 22 other teams who would LOVE to be in the Red Sox' place. Take the Detroit Tigers, for example. They played 12 innings on Tuesday night, only to fall to Twins. If the Sox don't want to step it up and play to their abilities, then step aside and let another team play. The Angels are playing with a purpose and they're playing some pretty damn good baseball. I'd enjoy it if it weren't at the Red Sox' expense. If they beat the Red Sox in the ALDS, then they really deserved it.

The front office needs to address this bi-polar offense thing this off-season. Maybe a new hitting coach who can motivate them more on the road. This wasn't always a problem. As recently as 2007, the Sox had a winning road record. The decline began last year and just got worse this year. I'm afraid the acquisition of V-Mart, while it helped them get into the playoffs, isn't going to be enough to fix the offensive ineptitude away from Fenway. I expected a much better performance out of the Red Sox in these first two ALDS games. Maybe not like in 2007, but certainly comparable to how they performed last year. They may very well win the next two games at Fenway (or they may not) but they still have to win one on the road in order to advance.

To make things worse for Red Sox fans, the Yankees can't do wrong this post-season. Even Sabathia and A-Rod, two notorious post-season chokers, are suddenly clutch. So far, this season has been a Red Sox fan's worst nightmare. The Red Sox can change things, at least on their end, by coming up big both at Fenway in the next two games AND on the road for Game 5, should it get that far. However, they have to want it and right now, I'm not sure they want it badly enough.

LET'S GO RED SOX!!!! DO OR DIE ON SUNDAY!