In honor of the 4oth anniversary of the best children's show ever, let's take a look at what might happen if our favorite Red Sox players were played by our favorite Muppets:
At first base, playing the role of Kevin Youkilis is...Bert!
At second base, playing the role of Dustin Pedroia...Ernie!
At third base, playing the role of Mike Lowell...Grover!
At shortstop, playing the role of Alex Gonzalez...Kermit the Frog!
Behind the plate, playing the role of Victor Martinez...Oscar The Grouch (not saying V-Mart is grouchy or anything, but someone had to be Oscar!)
In left field, playing the role of Jason Bay...Cookie Monster!
In center field, playing the role of Jacoby Ellsbury...Elmo!
In right field, playing the role of JD Drew...Count Von Count!
Your Designated Hitter, playing the role of David Ortiz...Big Bird!
On the mound, playing the role of Jon Lester... Snuffleupagus!
In the booth...muppetized versions of Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo!
Muppet Don: We're in the top of the third inning of a scoreless game at Fenway Park. The Muppet Sox are in the field and the Yankartoons are at bat. Bugs Bunny leads off this inning. Oscar's giving the signs to Snuffleupagus, but Snuffleupagus is shaking him off. Oscar, trash can and all, hops to the mound.
Oscar: For pete's sake, make up your mind on what you wanna throw!
Snuffleupagus: Calm down, Oscar. I'm only trying to interrupt the batter's timing.
Oscar: Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. (hops back to position behind the plate)
Muppet Remy: By the way, children, this game is brought to you by the letters H and R and the number 9. What starts with an H, Don?
Muppet Don: How about a "hit"?
Muppet Remy: Very good, Don, but we don't want the Yankartoons to get a hit now, do we?
Muppet Don: No we do not. The pitch! Bugs Bunny lines one to right center field, well hit and...Elmo dives and makes the catch!
Elmo: Elmo caught the ball! Elmo caught the ball!
Count: One out!
Muppet Remy: Elmo is very excited about making that catch, isn't he, Don?
Muppet Don: Elmo gets excited about everything, Jerry. We hear about it every time he makes a diving catch or steals a base.
Muppet Remy: He's an excitable guy, our young centerfielder!
Muppet Don: Now, Snuffleupagus gets ready to make another pitch. A cutter down and in to Mickey Mouse. Mickey rolls it over to Ernie at second and Ernie throws to Bert for the out at first.
Count: Two outs!
Muppet Remy: Our right fielder always knows how many outs we have in the inning, how many bats we have in the dugout, how many lockers we have in the clubhouse.
Muppet Don: That's our Count! Now Garfield's up for the Yankartoons with two out and nobody on. The pitch by Snuffleupagus is a ball. And another ball. And another ball! A three and oh count to Garfield. Oscar is not happy about this at all.
Oscar: Throw strikes, will ya?
Muppet Don: Here's the 3-0 pitch to Garfield. And it's off the green monster. Cookie Monster hauls it in to keep Garfield, who can't run very fast, to a single. Now, Snoopy steps into the batter's box.
Muppet Remy: That was a nice play by Cookie Monster. He just gobbled that ball up, didn't he? Ha ha ha!
Muppet Don: He sure did, Jerry. Now, Snuffleupagus throws a fastball up and in to Snoopy. A swing and a miss. Strike one! Here comes a changeup. That one falls in for strike two! Snuffy goes back to the fastball and Snoopy swings and misses again. Strike three!
Count: Three outs! Inning over!
Muppet Don: Now we move on to the bottom of the third. Big Bird is up and Wile E. Coyote's on the mound. Wile E. is trying to get ahead in the count so he throws a first-pitch fastball. Big Bird hits it very hard into straightaway center field. Back, back, gone! Home run Big Bird! Muppet Sox take a 1-0 lead!
Muppet Remy: Hey Don, "home run" starts with an H too! And the "run" part starts with an R! I love when this happens!
Muppet Don: Our sponsors are thanking us for this! Ha ha ha!
(Six innings later. Game is over and the Muppet Sox win)
Muppet Don: That was a great game, wasn't it Jerry?
Muppet Remy: Yes it was. All 9 innings of it. The Muppet Sox scored 9 runs and the Yankartoons struck out 9 times. Big Bird had three RBI, which also starts with an R! Cookie Monster knocked in two runs of his own, and Oscar, Bert, Ernie, and Grover drove in a run apiece. We got all this information from the Count, of course. Kermit turned a nice double-play in the fifth, when Yosemite Sam grounded sharply to shortstop and Snuffleupagus threw all 9 innings, giving up only 2 runs. I'll say it was a great game! Goodnight, kids!
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